can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

i love seeing my friends so happy but i can’t help but be ridiculously jealous that i don’t have that anymore

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i really wanted to go to the alex g/elvis depressedly concert tonight but it wouldn’t have been as good without you there it would have made me more sad to go alone listening to the music we used to listen to together fuck this

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nah like actually fuck this i was so fuckin happy i finally found the person who understood me and cared about me so much and everything in between and so i opened my heart up again but as usual it just ends badly for me, fuck i want this to work out so badly it’s ridiculous, it’s like things ended before they even had a chance to start, this is crazy

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shit was so great now it fuckin sucks
i guess i gotta get used to this routine

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habitual falling, right?
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shit it’s still so hard to listen to affection by crystal castles but i’m going to force myself to i don’t want this song to be connected to you anymore

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it’s been a really long time since i’ve been on here. a lot of has changed and not the way i wanted it to.

it fucking sucks when you give someone everything- all of you- and invest yourself in them completely, only for them to disregard all of that and throw it away like it was nothing.

fifteen months i spent with you, loving you and caring for you and doing everything in my ability to make you happy but i guess that isn’t enough sometimes

i only wish for another chance to show you how much you mean to me and how i would do anything just to be able to call you mine

all i can do is wait but i don’t know how long i can do that. going from talking to you every minute of every day to strained silence over weeks is the worst thing 

and it just hurts more because you seem so happy and relieved and over it and everything that i’m not

the worst part is that i still love you so fucking much after all that you’ve done in these past few weeks and i would take you back faster than you could imagine if you asked me to

there’s no way i could ever get over our amazing memories and everything we’ve ever been through in just three weeks and i really hope that you haven’t

because the hope i have for you coming back is the only thing that i have right now

i guess i’ll update it some time. hopefully things have changed for the better when i do.

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8/24/13 3:17 am

take it easy, i’m new at this.

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